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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26167009">Heaven Without You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zieiz/pseuds/zieiz'>zieiz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angels, Cancer, Character Death, Love, M/M, Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:06:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26167009</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zieiz/pseuds/zieiz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The sun was setting and the cold wind of winter brushed Akaashi’s face, slowly closing his eyes he breathed in the fresh air that the sea breeze gave, the splashes of the waves ringing on his ears, it was soothing, relaxing.. he felt tears fell from his eyes as he moved forward closer to the edge of the cliff, and when he opened his eyes he saw an angel. </p>
<p>Then he stopped.</p>
<p>The angel smiled at him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. First Meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first time writing in ao3 and I'm an amateur in writing! <br/>But I do hope you enjoy reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>The office was like a place that smelt of people devoid of healthy lifestyle, everyone inside this place covered in white plaster called an office is tired, and of course that include Akaashi.</p><p>Everyday has been torture and he felt like days that passes him by has been a series of never ending emptiness. He felt like he’s running and running and running for no reason, all he gets in return is tiredness.. breathless, he just wanted to stop.</p><p>But when he stops.. everything will be broken.</p><p>The perfect son he came to be.</p><p>The family he’s trying to fix.</p><p>The pain he’s trying to suppress would resurface.</p><p>He felt so tired.. so <em>so tired</em>. All he wanted was to sleep and call it a day.</p><p>
  <em>A job well done.</em>
</p><p>If it was that easy, then… maybe… maybe he’ll do just that.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Akaashi moved to lift some boxes of unused paper, it was heavy and his sweat is already running down his face, it felt like he’s been going at it for the whole day and he’s still far from being done.</p><p>“Yo Akaashi? You done there?” Akaashi lifted his head and saw one of his superior Kuroo..</p><p>“Yes sir, I’m nearly done here.” He said even if he’s still half way done.</p><p>“Then can you just leave those to another person, I have something for you to do.”  Akaashi followed his boss before kindly instructing another person to do the task he was doing just now, silently relieved that he won’t be moving those heavy things again.</p><p>“Here. Can you deliver these parcel to this address.. Tell the person to stop sending his things to my address or I’ll kill him.”  Akaashi nod as he stared at the small box, he mentally yawned as he felt the need to sleep right now. He was growing tired and fatigue slowly eating at him.</p><p>Akaashi drove to the address his boss gave him and he stopped as his mouth hang low.. staring at the dump the address lead him to.</p><p>“Who would be this person..”</p><p>He knocked on the wooden door that looked as ancient as the Egyptian pyramids.</p><p>“Hello? I’m here to deliver something..” No answer.</p><p>“Hello? Is anyone home?” Still no answer.</p><p>“I’m going to leave it here with a note—“</p><p>“Who are you?” Akaashi nearly jumped from his place as large hands tapped his shoulders. He looked back and his jaw dropped..</p><p>It was an <em>Angel</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bright</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Akaashi rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he stared at the bills laid in front of him, his head ached just by looking at it. With a sigh he stand up to get some coffee from the Office’s pantry.</p><p>He sighed for the hundredth time thinking about everything that he needs to fix in his family.</p><p>
  <em>‘I just wish to disappear’</em>
</p><p>He sipped at his coffee that he just made. Trying to erase the problems even for just a minute, just a minute of rest..</p><p>
  <em>“Hmm I hope you take care Mr. Akaashi” </em>
</p><p>Akaashi shook his head as he remembered the Angel yesterday.</p><p>The guy’s name was Bokuto Koutarou. He was an old friend of akaashi’s boss (Kuroo) and right now, he doesn’t have a job and is still looking for one, Sir Kuroo seems to be taking care of his expenses and such, Bokuto told Akaashi as much before he left for work again.</p><p>That guy.. he was smiling.</p><p>His smile was so pretty.</p><p>
  <em>So bright.</em>
</p><p>He was an <em>Angel</em>.</p><p>He looked like he was not worrying about the hurtful world we live in.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Weeks passed and the continuous process of exhaustion carried on with akaashi dragging his feet so he can just move forward, pushing through every day of working his ass off, just a little bit more.. and he feels like dying.</p><p>But he can’t</p><p>He just can’t abandon his family who’s relying on their perfect son.</p><p>He sighed as he sat on one of the benches in a local park near their office.</p><p>“I just want to stop having this life.” Akaashi sighed as he tugged at his hair in frustration.</p><p>“That’s not right Mr. Akaashi.. our life is a gift.. we should treasure it.”</p><p>
  <em>‘Ah.. bokuto.. you are so bright.‘</em>
</p><p>Akaashi smiled. Looking up to Bokuto he felt saved. All his worries starting to be lift off of his shoulders.</p><p>“Do you need some help?” Bokuto was kind.</p><p>
  <em>‘You are so bright…’</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Endure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was still cold. Winter was still here. But it felt hot for some reason. Akaashi felt hot. He felt so heavy, something inside him is pushing him down. He couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes as daylight broke.</p>
<p>He had a fever.</p>
<p>“I need to go to work, still…” pushing himself past his limit.</p>
<p>The <em>pain</em>.</p>
<p>The sufferings.</p>
<p>He needs to endure. He needs to keep on going.</p>
<p>Or else…</p>
<p>“Good morning Akaashi—“ one of akaashi’s co-workers Hinata greeted him.</p>
<p>“Hey. Good morning.”</p>
<p>“You don’t look too well, Senpai.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to worry too much… this is just a small fever”</p>
<p>The day passed with Akaashi enduring the headache and the heaviness he felt with every move he make. All he was thinking off was work.. work. Work.</p>
<p>“Akaashi, you can go.” Akaashi looked up to his boss, who’s looking at him sternly.</p>
<p>“I-It’s still noon, sir.. I still have five hours left of work..and—“</p>
<p>“What? Are you listening to me? I said go now to Bokuto. I just ordered you to give this package. And this time don’t forget to tell him to stop sending his parcels to my address.” And the mere mention of Bokuto’s name sent akaashi’s mood to a 360 degree turn.</p>
<p>He felt light headed.</p>
<p>He felt slightly happy.</p>
<p>
  <em>He gets to see Bokuto again.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Cage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akaashi knocked against the wooden door. It’s his second time going to Bokuto’s house and he felt nervous. For no reason he felt like he needed to look presentable and neat, but he knew he looked like a zombie right now.</p><p>“Hey akaashi! Come on in” then there it was again. That blinding brightness that bokuto radiated. It was warm, even if it was cold.. he felt warm..</p><p>“Hey.. Mr. B-Bokuto.”</p><p>Bokuto’s face slightly contorted as he studied Akaashi’s face, without saying a word Bokuto moved to get Akaashi’s things and lead the frail dark haired guy to his room.</p><p>“Stay here.”</p><p>Bokuto.. the angel left.. and Akaashi was confused.. he looked around slightly conscious inside the room of another person he just barely know, close to being a stranger even.</p><p>The room was big, and there were lots of things piled up in one corner, it was not that messy but it wasn’t particularly clean either, it was an average man’s room. There were a few pictures and he saw his boss in them, with bokuto, it looked like it was taken when they were still high school.</p><p>Akaashi smiled.</p><p>“He looks so young.. so free. I wish I can be like this too”</p><p>“You know akaashi… everyone needs to feel freedom. Why are you locked away?”</p><p>“I-I…I need t-to..” he couldn’t find the words. But the tears that formed on his eyes spoke..</p><p>
  <em>‘ This is so hard..’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I just want to take a break..’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘Help me’</em>
</p><p>Bokuto smiled. He understood.</p><p>“It’s ok now. I am here, I will help you.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You know every person in this universe is <em>fragile</em>… but- you decide if you’re gonna break or you’re going to be strong.” Bokuto’s words were warm, just like how he is.. he is my sun, my only hope in this world that’s slowly drowning me.</p><p>“You only need someone to help you walk get out of that darkness you’re in.. let me.” <em>Bokuto was an angel..</em></p><p>“You really are an <em>Angel</em>.. bokuto.”</p><p>He just smiled. And after I accepted his hand, fortune came my way.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Are you saying…. All the bills.. all the hospital bills are paid? We are not in debt anymore?” Akaashi couldn’t contain himself, it was too hard to believe<em>.. who—who would do such a thing? </em></p><p>“W-Who.. who paid them?” Akaashi was lots, he was so overwhelmed… ever since his mother endured her cancer treatments.. they were already.. slowly drowning with debts.. and when his mother died, he didn’t know where to run to.</p><p>His family shattered into pieces right before his eyes, they were torn apart, and just like that, his siblings had nothing to rely on but him.. so since then, he had been living up to their expectations. There was no room for error.</p><p>And since then… no one.. not even a single family came to help them..</p><p>He doesn’t know of anyone related to him by blood who would help him to this extent.. who?</p><p>“It was Bokuto” It was Kuroo.. his boss suddenly popped out of nowhere and answered his question.</p><p>“B-Bokuto.. you say?” Akaashi’s hands trembled as his breathing started to get uneven. <em>‘H-How could he?’</em></p><p>“He said he needs to help a friend.... it’s shocking to know you’re the ‘friend’ he’s referring to.” Kuroo sat beside Akaashi, both of them staring straight ahead into the void, lost inside their own thoughts..</p><p>“Given the fact that Bokuto treats you as a friend and even goes to such length help you out.. It’s just been a few days since you met.. but did you already know about bokuto?”</p><p>
  <em>‘What? What should I know?’ </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Acceptance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akaashi looked up to the horizon, embracing the coldness of winter. The sun was setting and he still have no plans of going home. It has been a few hours since his boss told him everything about Bokuto… Bokuto.. was an angel.</p><p>“What the fuck.. why the fuck is this world fucking with my life?”</p><p>
  <em>It hurts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bokuto… has cancer. He’s got a few months left to live.. and yet he’s so kind.. still so… so kind and forgiving. He really is a great person.”</em>
</p><p>The pain in Akaashi’s chest started to burn.. it felt like he’s being stabbed one after another.. tears welled up from his eyes.. the coldness not helping him at all as his lips trembled with every breathe he takes..</p><p>His eyelids tired from too much crying, his heart hurts so much..</p><p>All he wanted to do was just erase all this hurt.. all this pain..</p><p>
  <em>‘Why?’</em>
</p><p>Why does everything he loves.. why.. why does it only happens to him?</p><p>
  <em>‘Why do everyone.. I love… always leave me behind?’</em>
</p><p>The sun was setting and the cold wind of winter brushed Akaashi’s face, slowly closing his eyes he breathed in the fresh air that the sea breeze gave, the splashes of the waves ringing on his ears, it was soothing, relaxing.. he felt tears fell from his eyes as he moved forward closer to the edge of the cliff, and when he opened his eyes he saw an angel.</p><p>Then he <em>stopped.</em></p><p>
  <em>The angel smiled at him.</em>
</p><p>“Bokuto..”</p><p>
  <em>“Akaashi.. go home.. rest.. all is well”</em>
</p><p>That night.. Akaashi slept with his pillows wet and his eyes hurt from too much crying.. but when he woke up, he smiled. He knew everything would be fine.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I love you, I’m sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days passed with a normal routine running round. Akaashi visiting Bokuto in his rundown house.. taking care of him and holding onto the little time they still have..</p><p>Akaashi.. kept on trying to hold onto the ray of light, that is bokuto..</p><p>Knowing that everything around him.. will be dark again.</p><p>The Heaven he felt would be gone.. it will be pain.. agonizing pain.. all over again..</p><p>He was scared. He wouldn’t want Bokuto to be gone.</p><p>“What are you thinking off?”  Bokuto’s warm hands brushed akaashi’s cheeks in a gentle manner.</p><p>Akaashi shook his head..</p><p>
  <em>‘No.. this isn’t the time to be sulking. I should make Bokuto happy’</em>
</p><p>He made it his mission.. before..before Bokuto leaves.. he wants to make him the happiest he could be.. And he did just that.. day by day he did everything he could to even just put a simple smile on Bokuto’s lips.. he felt relieved.</p><p>All that’s left is to solve this heavy feeling on his chest.. it feels like he’s going to explode from all the pent up feelings he kept inside..</p><p>His feelings for bokuto were all left unsaid.</p><p>“Akaashi.. you know, only one month… left.”</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t say that.</em>
</p><p>“I’d be leaving you.. I hope you take care of yourself.”</p><p>
  <em>I will.. I will.. I will.. so please..</em>
</p><p>“I- I… I l-love you.. so much.”</p><p>
  <em>I love you too.. </em>
</p><p>But replying to those words would only hurt you more.. I did not reply.. I simply turned away..</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry.. I love you too.. but it would make everything harder for you.. I don’t want to hurt you.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Thank you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week.</p><p>Only a week left. Bokuto is now bedridden. He can’t move that well.. he collapses whenever he tries to even do something as simple as sitting up.. he looked.. he looked so dim..</p><p>His light was slowly slipping from Akaashi’s fingers.. and Akaashi knew..</p><p>Their time was up.</p><p>Everything will end just like that.. again..</p><p>Bokuto.. will leave him.</p><p>
  <em>‘I don’t want you to leave’ </em>
</p><p>Tears ran down his face as he held Bokuto’s thin fingers.. it was cold..</p><p>Unlike before.. bokuto was turning cold..</p><p>
  <em>‘I love you so much’</em>
</p><p>Akaashi kissed Bokuto’s fingertips as he think of all the things they’ve been through during those short three months.. it was.. only three months.. they were just together for three months.. but.. he loved bokuto this much.. within those three months.</p><p>Bokuto was still his angel..</p><p>His light.</p><p>‘<em>I’m setting you free now.. I’m ready, to face everything without you.’</em></p><p>Bokuto weakly smiled at him.. his voice didn’t come out when he first opened his mouth to say something.. and he stopped trying after a few tries of trying to speak.. Bokuto knew.. that Akaashi already knows what he was about to say.. when he felt the warm tears on his hand that Akaashi was holding..</p><p>
  <em>‘I know.. I know.. I love you very much too..’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘I’ll be here beside you. Forever’</em>
</p><p>“I love you so much Bokuto…”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>That day. Bokuto slept soundly. His face serene and void of all the worries of the world. There was a smile on his face. And akaashi felt.. somehow.. at peace. He felt complete. Bokuto held his hand during his last moments. Bokuto…</p><p>Bokuto smiled at him during those last seconds..</p><p>Akaashi did not cry.</p><p>He smiled.</p><p>“I’m going to live, Bokuto… even if it’s without you.”</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for the Heaven you gave me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>"To love is to receive a glimpse of Heaven"</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>                                       -Karen Sunde</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
</blockquote>
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